It was four years ago that I moved from Cowboy Heaven,Montana, to a small rural town in Central
(spell that deep south) Florida, in the middle of the good ol boys redneck country.
You know the kind of place where every conversation starts with..you know ol John down across the river used to carry this.. but.. Of course because your from the north what they dont tell you is that
BillyBob still carries it and hes just up the street..
But this is about Mother Nature and her gentle introductions to The South..

I quickly learned that Super WAlMart is well Super Big! Here I was ..wandering around like a lost soul for what seemed like years, searching for a box of laundry soap, tide please.
This super-store was so hugh it had t fourteen zip codes,sixteen area codes, and at least three USDA climate zones.(8,9,10)! And yet,it seemed that all I could see,was mile after mile of shelves containing only three items: hair control spray, fire ant poison, and superplusthisreallyworks roach bait.
I was a tad concerned…

Good grief , I thought as I stared at the endless array of these three products that are virtually unknown (perhaps even legally banned) in Montana. Is this all they ever do down here, spray their hair and kill ants and roaches? I am thinking I am in big trouble here, as I stroll over to a lil lady.. clearly older than God and ask politely.. wheres the laundry soap???
She pointed into the distance and said.. down yonder..over thataway..

I headed back into the galaxy of SUPER WAlMart.. wondering why this fixation on hair, and bugs…
pondering why they are so intent on ants…whats a ity bitey fire ant gonna do to ya..
Well. The very next day I walked into the sand that was destined to become pets gardens .. and stepped into a loose pile of sand..
Thunder Boomed!
Lighting Flashed!
Hell was alive and well and trying to eat me! Fire ANTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Big as that Bronc that Casey Tibbs rode..
Teeth like a razor back sow..
seasoned with Red HOT peppers..

This is gentle Mother Nature? I had bites everywhere,,
Frantic web research revealed..
benedryl.. and frequent showers to cool the bites off..

My second trip to Super WALMart I was in the line fighting to get as much Fire Ant Killer as I could..
The Battle was on………..I was getting educated… about fire ants, and other gentle creatures of nature…
Wondering at the fiendish mind that had made those Giant SPIDERS that live in those Oak trees , or the red stinging caterpillars that drop from the trees without warning. And about killer flower thrips, and brown recluse spiders, and swarms of enormous, aggressive mosquitoes carrying West Nile virus.I will hardly
mention the roaches.. people in the south look at roaches.. like they are .. well a fact of life..
they are called palmetto bugs.. never roaches.. and always when women see then .. they say..
Bless your heart…(a sure clue they are about to rip you to pieces verbally.. or reveal some part of your ancestry that you dont want to know)you wanna stay away from palm trees.. they come from there..

Mother nature that gentle creature propagates the killer vine called kadzu.. it is impossible to eradicate..it thrives on round up……….
We have managed to beat it to a draw…..only 11 dumptrucks loads were hauled filled with the killer kadzu ripped out of the trees by giant equipment..ahhh yes the gentle nature of Mother..
Blackspot should be declared the national spore haven of Florida…
Mold, in places that have no places… snakes in the floribunda beds.
Ruthless weeds that are armed with long thorns, needles.. and dangerous. Blistering heat, sweltering humidity. Accidental frizz immediately upon leaving the shower…

More fireants.Hurricanes at no particular intervals.. but guaranteed to keep you on edge..
Tornadoes. Sink holes. Parasites. Fire ants. Wasps that look like bats… Electrical storms that make you jump even when they are miles away.. Electrical failures.. Freezes… Floods. …Fire ants… spiders.

Rats the size of shetland ponies. More mold, and fire ants. Have I mentioned the fire ants? Those evil creatures are guaranteed to change anybody’s attitude about Mother Nature and her sweet and bountiful ways….

Of course, hurricanes. Yes, I’ve learned an awful lot about hurricanes down here.
But the one thing I have learned first hand, is that Americans are not afraid to reach out to one another,
regardless of politics or race or sex..
Let’s keep reaching out…