Oct 15 2005
dog poops ops…
A variety of things can occur when your dog is pooping on someone’s lawn:
The homeowner can drive up or exit their house at the exact moment the poop drops from your dog’s butt. Commence your inner monologue: Oh pucky, what do I do? I have a bag to pick it up but what if I get yelled at? This is so embarrassing, I can never let my dog poop on this lawn again, and I will have to take a different poop route for the next six months until they forget who I am. WHY did they have to witness this at this exact moment?
The homeowner sees you from inside and raps on the window, shaking their finger at you. Smile and give a slight wave. Hello! We should have coffee sometime soon. You can bring your bratty kids along. I’ll bring my dog. It’ll be great!
Said homeowner is extremely displeased that your dog is pooping on their lawn. I’m so sorry, I have a bag to pick it up (and take it to my house and feed it to my family for dinner. Yum!) They are really upset. Where do you want my dog to poop, in my hand? They say they’d never let their dog poop on your lawn. Well, congratulations, but unfortunately I haven’t quite gotten my dog trained to use the toilet. She still has a tough time wiping her butt and there’s also been a problem with flushing the toilet…considering she doesn’t have any thumbs!!! You *beep*…Smile and say, “Sorry. She really had to go.â€
You are caught in the act of your dog pooping on the homeowner’s lawn and you are extremely embarrassed. Seriously, what are you supposed to do? Pick up the poop and feel mortified. Then what? Walk away while wishing that you could beam yourself home instantly. Pat yourself on the back because at least you pick up the poop. Sheesh. Some people don’t even do that and that’s gross. Natural fertilizer my butt. That pucky stinks. Literally.
The best thing that happens is when your dog poops on someone’s lawn, you pick it up and there are no witnesses. You can continue your walk in peace.
